For Kadence

I see that face, and my heart grows glad.

She smiles and runs to me,

She has so much love,

No heart could stay empty.

But in the blink of an eye,

She will be grown.

I may not even be there

Only the man upstairs knows.

Look already, how far the world’s turned.

All the time we’ve used,

The years we’ve burned.

My sight grows less, while hers grows strong.

I slow her down, but she drags me along.

My limbs will weaken, my hearing fail,

But, God be willing, I will hold her hand,

Receive her hugs, throw her big smacks

Wherever she goes.

Her world already turns faster than mine.

My world is gone, no one will remember

Red rover, come over,

No white shoes after September.

Stationary phones, three channels on TV,

Computers that filled rooms,

Pet rocks, hula hoops, Pong, and Atari.

I will always ache as

She walks through the fires,

Over stones, through puddles,

Facing off this world's liars.

But it's all hers now,

Open to conquer.

And all I can do is

Continue to love her.

As she steps towards a future I won’t even know

It makes my heart ache,

Because I, too, want to go!

The Bucket List

I couldn't resist this one; feel free to pass it one to anyone.

Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not, then offer it to your friends (including me).
 Add an item or two if you like...
(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, do the list and then click publish.) I don't do the tagging thing, but I hope you'll play anyway!


Things you have done during your lifetime:
() Been to Las Vegas
(x) Loved someone so much it hurt
(x) Danced in the rain with your clothes on
(x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
(x) Watched someone die
(x) Helped someone live
() Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Stonehenge at Midwinter
(x) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been on a helicopter
(x) Been white water rafting
(x) Been lost
( ) Gone to France
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Played with your grandchild
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only
(x) Been to the Grand Canyon
(x) Spent a day looking at flowers
(x) Made prank phone calls
(x) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain-naked
() Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone
(x) Blown bubbles
( ) Gone ice-skating
( ) Watched the sunset in Key West
(x ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Been snorkeling/diving in the ocean.
(x) Been to the zoo by yourself
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
() Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(x) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(x) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
() Seen the Statue of Liberty in person
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise
(x) Traveled by train
(x) Traveled by motorcycle
() Been horse back riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco Cable Car
(x) Been to Disneyland
() Been to Disneyworld
() Been in a rain forest
(x) Seen whales in the ocean
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
(x ) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing
( ) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
(x) Been to a Major League Baseball game
() Been to a National Football League game
() Been to a National Hockey League game
(x) Gone ghost hunting
(x) Told those you love how you feel

Enjoy!

Marriage

My friend, Gail, posted a poem today that reminded me of this one.  I wrote this one several years ago and it is dedicated to my Max.

Marriage


What
Can be……
This thing that was two
Is one for so long it has forgotten
When it was two,
To be apart
In separation.
Fibers twisted firmly through and through
And around and around
And over and under
And between.
Glued with luscious melding of flesh
And immeasurable depth of kindness
And tolerance defined in trust.
And somewhere deep within the
Jungle of its – their – a – being
Some semblance of a conscious
Never fading always demanding
Integration of soul
Sometimes makes the two wonder
How the one was born
Makes the two remember
The bitter loneliness of one
Makes the two thankful
For what the one begat
Makes the two cognizant
Aware
grateful
for this living definition
Of love.

love to all those who love me,
allison

Life is a Surprise

When my son Travis was born in 1984, I was overwhelmed with the feelings of love that rushed over me the first time I saw his face. I recorded his every action, sound, and expression the first year of his life in my journals and his babybook. In 1987, when I became pregnant with my second child, Aaron, I worried constantly. How on earth was I going to love another child as much as I loved Travis? It wasn’t fair to Aaron to be the 2^nd child; how could we ever love him as much as we did Travis?

But you know what? We did! We loved Aaron with every fiber of our beings, just as strongly as we loved Travis. Aaron’s personality was the mirror image of Travis', but that had nothing to do with how much we loved him. He was our son, and our hearts and minds just expanded to include him in our love. When Jennifer was born in 1992, it happened again. I don’t know how it’s possible, but somehow the good Lord expands the space in your heart and you are able to love as many children as you have.

Time went on, and Travis grew up. Aaron died in 1990 and we all walked through a door and became new people. Jen is growing up faster than I can believe; she has a form of autism that causes her some problems, but she is a senior is high school this year, and scheduled to graduate in May.

We are stronger people because of Aaron’s death. It changed Max and I in ways we never expected or wanted, but got anyway and had to deal with. Family became a priority with us. Spending time with the kids took priority over everything. As we grow up, our parents and siblings are our history; our children are our future. Every step our kids take, Travis’ graduation and marriage to Sandra in 2005, Jen’s 18^th birthday, there is always a hole there where Aaron should have been. I always think, Travis 27, Aaron 23, Jen 19; that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

When Travis’ daughter, Kadence was born in 2009, Travis named her Kadence Erin after his brother, and it wasn’t until that point I realized that he missed his brother as much as we did. The same empty space in our future also appears in his.  It breaks my heart to know how much he has missed.  I have a little brother I miss constantly because he lives in another city.  Travis doesn't even get the privilege of texting his little brother, or seeing his pics on Facebook; he knows his little brother only as an angel he will meet again in the afterlife.  It's heartrending, because he has missed out on so much.  Siblings can drive you nuts, but they are also the people you run to when you're hurting, because they are the ones who really know who you are.

I’ve known Sandra, Travis’ wife, since she was 16 years old, and when she married Travis, we just included her in our lives as much as Travis. She’s always been one of our "kids," as were all the kids Travis hung around with as a teen. She is a more private person than I am, but I love her with all my heart.  Kadence’s birth brought yet another surprise to us. I don’t know how it’s possible, but I love that child as much as my own. I should have had a clue, I suppose.  After all, Travis' full name is Travis Dewey---he is named after mine and Max's grandfathers, who had a tremendous influence on us as kids.  But I never really knew, till Kadence's birth, just how strong a grandparents' love could be.

So, my heart has now expanded to include not only my own children whom I carried inside me, but also Sandra and Kadence. The best thing about Kadence is that I can spoil her and love her unconditionally, just as I do my own kids. But it’s not my job that Kadence turn into a responsible adult. I don’t have to make her clean up her messes, stop abusing her auntie Jen, or eat a healthy meal three times a day. All I am required to do with Kadence is love her. I’m her Gammy, that’s my job. The kids lived with us for little over a year, and we got to see Kadence every day. It was the greatest gift any grandparent could ever ask for. I understand now the heartbreak Max’s mom went through living in New York without being able to see her Texas grandkids except in pictures.

Whenever we see them now, Kadence runs up to us and hugs our legs and reaches up for us to pick her up. She loves us and has unlimited faith and trust in us. This feeling of being unconditionally and strongly loved is so humbling it makes me cry.

Then, on 1-13-11, Sandra and Travis welcomed Aidan Seth to their family. Now, they are a family, with a boy and a girl, and a tough road ahead with two in diapers, but oh.....so lucky! They have each other and these two beautiful children, and a life ahead of them full of promise. It’s gonna be hard work, but so worth it!

And for me, the most amazing thing has happened yet again.  I love the way life is continually surprising me.  When I saw Aidan’s face through the nursery window, my heart just exploded with love for him! I saw those blue eyes looking at me and I just melted. How can this be possible? How can it be that every time the Lord brings a new being into your life, you can love it as strongly as the other family you already have? Way back in 1982, when Max and I got married, I was 23, and I kind of looked forward to us having a family, but not seriously. I mean, jeez, I was 23, who’s serious when they’re 23?

I never, not within a 1000 years, could have imagined the paths we would walk, and the love we would come to receive. The love Max and I shared became exponentially greater because we had children, lost a child, and now have grandchildren. We went from being individuals, Max and Allison, to Mom and Dad, to Grandpa and Gammy. We have lived a lifetime together and are a history. Max and I have our difficulties. Marriage is not an easy path, it’s learning to accept another person’s frailties and ignore them so they don’t drive you crazy. But this love, this incredible, fulfilling, heart-rending love, has blossomed into something grand and wonderful and unexpected.

I just have to say, thank you Lord, for all the surprises—the good ones and the horrific ones. Were it not for the surprises, life would have been boring and safe, and I might never have realized how amazing and wonderful and precious life really is.

Love to all those who love me,
allison

Wildlife Pictures for Dummies

I take tons of pictures everyday because I am fascinated by all that is beautiful in this world.   Having a digital camera,  where you can pick and choose your pictures before printing them is a real gift compared to old school, when you never really knew if you got the shot until you developed your film.  Wildlife and nature are my favorite subjects, but you can use these tips for any photography.  I think anybody can take great pictures.  It just takes a little time, knowledge, and patience to get that WOW shot! 

Here are five tips to help you take successful nature shots!

1.  Do your research!  You are not going to get a good pic if you don’t know where animals  breed, feed, and water.  Different breeds feed differently, and that means that you will have a different subject everywhere you travel.  Bodies of water are the best locales for almost any nature shot.  At some point during each day, animals have to drink to survive.  Do your research on line, network with other folks who are nature watchers to see if they know interesting places.  Best of all, talk with the locals.  People are always happy to show off their hometowns, and you will get a lot more direct information with this source. First time I visited Lake Fork near Quitman, I talked to the guys in the bait shops about the best places to watch the bald eagles that were wintering there.  It was local people who directed us to a little cove where the eagles were nesting.  We got to see adults, their nests, immature eagles, and even watch an immature learn to fish.  Be nice, talk to the locals, and you will have great success in finding a good shot.

2.  Once you’ve found your spot, be respectful.  Remember these are wild animals, you are visiting their home.  Treat them as respectfully as you would any guest in your own home Do not disturb breeding animals.  It’s not only damaging to the environment, but could be dangerous for you.  Mother animals, no matter the breed, are always protective of their young.  Find a quiet spot, at a good but not too far distance.  If necessary, use binoculars to locate the animals, and move in very slowly, a little closer each visit.  It might take 2-3 visits, or it could 20 visits to be accepted by the wildlife.  But, once you become a regular visitor, you’ll find that after your initial arrival, if you sit still and are quiet, the animals will come back out and continue their business of living.  This opens up the opportunity for you to get some great shots.

3.  Use the settings on your digital camera!  The new cameras available today, even the simplest point and shoots, have nice zooms and the capability of getting great continuous action shots.  If you’re using a long zoom, stabilize the camera before you shoot.  Use a rock, a tree, your car, or sit down and use your knee.  The longer the zoom, the more the possibility arises that your picture is going to end up blurry if you don’t stabilize the camera.  If you want to go to the expense, you can set up a tripod, but I’ve found it’s much easier to use what’s around you.  The less you have to carry, the better.  For action shots, use the sports/athletics setting on your camera.  This will enable you to take a continuous sequence of shots as an animal is moving.  You can pick and choose later which shots you want to keep.

4.  Pay attention to light!  We all have those pictures of humans where the sun is bright behind the group in the picture, and people’s faces disappear.  The same principle applies when shooting wildlife.  Take a picture of a bird with the sun behind it and all you’re going to get is a silhouette.  Always position yourself with the sun behind you.  The light behind you will highlight colors and details of the animal.  A lot of digital cameras have a lightness setting where you can make your picture look darker and the colors richer.  Don’t use it!!  Try to keep that setting on zero as much as possible.  A lighter exposure will always make a better print.  I don’t know the reasoning behind it, but with digitals, it seems that the prints are always darker than what we see on the view screen.  Use only natural light when shooting wildlife; a flash will startle animals, and all you’ll get in your picture  glowing eyes and a silhouette.

5.  Use the golden mean of composition!  Don’t center all your shots.  Every picture (or any artwork) has what is termed "negative" and "positive" space.  Positive space is filled with the focus of your picture.  Negative space is the background and foreground around it.

Here’s an example for comparison:

On the left, the egret is positive space, and the water around it negative space. 

On the right, the foliage is negtative space and the egret positive space.  

The shot on the right is not a bad picture, but even though the light is better, this picture is not as interesting as the first picture because the egret is dead center. It is not intriguing to the human brain to see a picture centered this way.  Use the negative space in your pictures to lead your viewer’s eye to your focal point.

The simplest way to use the golden mean of composition is to divide your shot into nine equal parts, like a tic tac toe game.  In your mind, draw the lines on your picture.  When you play tic tac toe, you never put your X or O in the center spot, everybody knows you can’t win that way and the game will go to cat!  So, don’t put the focus of your picture in the center square either.  It doesn't matter if there is some overlap of your focal point into the center square, but the bulk of your focal point should be in one of the squares around the edges.  The viewer’s mind will ignore the negative space, be drawn to the focus of your shot, and add emphasis to the overall picture.

6.   Don’t get stuck in horizontal hold!!  Turning the camera lengthwise gives a longer, taller look to tall animals, trees, and people.  Most digitals hold the picture sideways in memory, but you can always rotate the picture once you download it. 

7.  Mornings and evenings are the best times to capture wildlife pictures.  In the morning, nocturnal animals are often still around finishing off their nights, and morning animals are waking up thirsty and hungry.  In the evening, the situation is reversed.  Either time will show you a good mix of both nocturnal and daylight creatures.   Some animals will visit a location weekly, some daily, some only occasionally.  Be patient, visit the same place frequently, and you will be amazed at the variety you see.

8.  Pay attention to weather forecasts!  Nobody wants to birdwatch in the rain, but if you hear news that a line of thunderstorms or a cold front is moving in, try to get to your spot the day before.  Animals seem to have a sixth sense about weather and are always more active the day before a significant change in weather.  You may see more animals of the same variety, or brand new visitors who sense the weather coming and stopped by for a quick snack or drink.

9.  Use the zoom on your camera, but carry binoculars with you to scout out wildlife before you move closer.  If you don’t have binoculars, you can use the zoom on your camera to get a feel for a good position.  Finding wildlife from a distance and approaching slowly will help you be more successful and less intrusive to their world.

10.  Pay attention to color!  Each primary color (red, blue, yellow) has a complementary color on a color wheel.  Complementary colors make each other stand out brighter, giving your pictures more vibrant dynamics.  Basic complementaries are red/green, blue/orange, and yellow/purple.  Putting these colors next to each other in a picture causes the rods and cones in our eyes to vibrate more strongly, creating pictures with stronger impact.

Most important, have a good time!  You’re there to appreciate the beauty of the world around you.  Pay attention to where you walk, to the plants that grow close to the ground, to the colors of the trees around you, to the sounds the animals make, to the bugs flying around you, to the lap of water against the bank.  God put this beauty on this our planet for us to appreciate; enjoying it fulfills His plan!

I hope these tips help you out with all your photography.  Paying attention to light, knowing the principles of negative/positive space, composition using the gold mean, and remembering your complementary colors will help you with any picture you take.  Now, go out there and have some fun!

Love to all I love who love me back,
allison

What a Beautiful Day....

Sometimes, the smallest things just make you sigh with beauty....

Today, I went outside at work for a smoke break.  It's absolutely beautiful weather here in Texas this week, highs in the 60's, not a cloud in the sky, sunshine showers everywhere, and the sky is this incredible turquoise blue---the color of boat wake when you're out in the middle of the ocean. 

I finished my smoke and was walking back in, when I saw an oak leaf twirling high up in the sky, far above the tops of the trees across the street.  Slowly spinning, it made its way across the sky, spinning its little heart out for my entertainment.  Occasionally, it floated, skipping down the sky on invisible stairsteps.  Then, it would twirl again, vertically, gently making its way down from above.  It was so hypnotic, I stood on the sidewalk transfixed, wondering if it would ever touch down.  For probably more than a minute, I watched as it made its slow, gliding, and twirling descent to a final and distinct click! on the side walk in front of our building.

I looked at it for a moment, then just looked back up at the heavens and said thank you.

love to all those i love who love me back,
allison

Do you like the new look?

Jen asked me tonight how to start her own blog; be sure to hunt her up and check it out! I am curious to see what her intense mind comes up with.  I never know what she's thinking

Max comes home tomorrow and will be home till a week from Saturday.  TI is on their bi-annual shutdown this weekend, so a vacation we can't afford at a time we don't want! woohoo!

I have liquid actually leaking from my nose.  I'm not gonna call it snot, cause I've already grossed out one FB friend being direct, but it is totally gross and why???? I live with consistently clogged sinuses and this is a whole new experience for me.  I feel like I should shove a cotton ball up there, but I'm thinking that's not smart, eh? Any suggestions?  I only know how to UNclog a nose, haven't a clue how to stop one up--lol, mine does it all by itself.

Ducky was still gone from the pond today, so I have to assume he has found a new home.  I hope he comes back to visit sometimes.  For those who don't know me, the VFW pond here in Lufkin is my favorite retreat.  I moved to Lufkin in 1996 and am still finding my way around (didn't drive till 2005).  I found the pond when Jen was in her freshman year at high school.  We pass by it every day on the way.  I got in the habit of stopping by there after I dropped her off to eat my Mickey D's breakfast.  One morning, I was eating my sausage biscuit and saw this bird acting really strangely.  It came up out of the water with its wings folded over its head and then sank back down into the water.  I watched the spot where it disappeared and son of a gun if a freaking alligator didn't come straight up out of the water with the bird in its mouth, then submerge back into the pond.  I just sat there with my mouth open.  I mean, seriously, who expects to see Animal Planet in real life before they even get to work?

From that day on, I was hooked on this little body of water.  It's not a very big place.  I'm not a good judge of acreage, but I'm thinking maybe 2 acres? But I am freaking amazed at the wildlife I get to see there, especially the birds.  There is something different every day.  Today I saw a large red-shouldered hawk, two kingfishers, about 8 grebes, 6-8 coots, 2 lesser schaups, 4 shoveler ducks, Elvis, about 10 nutria, great blue heron, great egret, 2 double breasted cormorants, goldfinches...I could go on forever.  Unless you're a birdwatcher, you probably have no clue what I'm talking about, but this is a real gold mine in the middle of a small city surrounded by homes and businesses and a not-so-pretty part of town, as well as the beautiful new VFW building which is set behind the pond.

On 12-23-09, the most powerful tornado of 2009 went through Lufkin and destroyed the old VFW building, and filled the pond with debris.  There have been a number of anonymous volunteers, including a club from the high school, who have now cleared the pond of just about all the debris except for a few bits which the birds have incorporated into their lives.  I love taking pics there.  Yesterday it was warm and I got quite a few pics, but today was cloudy and overcast.  Not great light, but I got a few pics the great egret hunting and a cormorant diving right beside him.  Not a great photo day, but a good one.

I feel blessed to have found this little spot in the middle of my busy life.  I work about 30 hours a week, try to be an artist as often as I can, socialize too much on Facebook, try to keep up with my busy family, deal with my daughter's idiosyncracies on a daily basis (that's a story for another day), make a reasonable attempt to keep up with the house, smoke too much, play too much, and just generally enjoy life at a rapid pace.  So, every day, either after I drop off Jen or on my lunch break, I try to get to the pond.  It's worth it.

Everybody should look for that quiet spot in their day; it's the only thing that's gonna help you maintain sanity and balance.  You can't do anything successfully in life unless you take care of your own mental health first. Mine is maintained by visiting this tiny body of water where it's quiet and all you hear are cars passing by, birds tweeting, and fish splashing.  Hope you get to hear a fish splash tomorrow!

Love to all those who love me,
allison

Peace....